Title: Silent
Rating: R
Summary: A troubled, now mute, woman finds hope with Sayid.
Warnings: References to drugs and rape.
Status of Fic: Work in Progress
Author's Notes/Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Lost". They were created by JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof and they belong to them, Touchstone, and ABC. I commandeered Sayid for my own fun.
Please read and review!
Part One
"Dude, she's bleeding."
"Yes, Hurley, I know that."
"But...she's bleeding."
Joy frowned at the voices, moving her hands to cover her face, she turned on
her side, only to be met with extreme pain. Grimacing, she opened her eyes
to find two men looking at her. One, was kneeling beside her, asking if she
could hear him; the other was standing aside.
"I need you to listen to me, alright?" The man beside her explained, he went
on to say that she has some deep gashes on her side and that if she needed
to walk it would be only with the help of another. She tried to sit up and
opened her mouth to let out a scream of pain but nothing came out.
Frightened, she put her hands to her throat, only to be met with a bandage.
The man beside her, moved her hands aside, "You have a deep incision in your
throat. You won't be able to speak for a while. And don't move so fast. Do
you understand?"
Joy nodded but shivered despite the heat; she looked around.
Jack pushed a pencil and pad of paper into her hands, told her to write down
some information about herself, and to keep it with her at all times, so
that she could communicate. He told her his name was Jack, the other man was
Hurley, and that she was in a plan crash like the others on the island. Joy
just nodded, her hands going to her throat absentmindedly, even though Jack
kept pushing them back down and warning her that she was just going to
infect it and cause herself more pain.
"I'm going to help you up and take you back to the caves, alright? I want to
keep an eye on your status." He held out his hands and she hesitantly, put
her hands in his, and slowly he lifted her from the ground. When he was
certain she was stable, he picked up the pad on which she had wrote down her
name and age. "Alright, Joy, who's 28 and comes from Ohio, let's get you to
the caves." He turned to Hurley, "Can you distribute the rest of the water?
Tell Kate I'll be back after I get her settled."
Hurley left, Jack and Joy made their way slowly to the cves. His arms around
her unharmed waist, she made small steps, and didn't care that she had tears
flowing down her cheeks from both the intense pain, and situation.
Joy sat down on a log, nodding to Jack's questions of pain and if she was
lightheaded. There were others that lived in the caves, but they were out
either doing chores or golfing. At the word 'golf' Joy looked surprised, but
Jack only smiled, promising to show her after she could walk better.
"I just want you to rest, alright? I'll be back after a while. Don't go
anywhere, you'll just get lost or hurt your side even more. And keep your
hands away from your throat."
With that, he left her, Joy pulled up the left side of her shirt and saw the
bandages, touching the bandages on her throat, she winced at the pain.
Sighing, she put her head in her hands, wondering what she was going to do.
Joy had fallen asleep, when she heard a voice coming in her direction. Her
hands instantly started to fiddle with the bandage on her throat again. She
wondered how much time had passed.
"I thought I would bring the firewood here, instead of your coming to the
beach."
She looked up and saw a man enter the forest carrying wood in his arms. He
piled the wood aside before turning to face her.
"Should you be messing with that?"
Joy nodded and scribbled on the pad, "I'm to take it off."
He walked over and read her note, his gaze shifting from the pad to the
bandage. He kneeled down in front of her, examining it closely. His hands
moved along the strips of it, eyes full of concentration. Joy couldn't help
but stare into his deep brown eyes. He moved his hands away and looked back
to see her staring at him. Blushing, she hung her head, cursing herself.
"This was just recently put on. Who told you to take it off?"
"No one did, Sayid, she just keeps messing with it."
Joy rolled her eyes, she was so close to getting the damned thing off, too.
The man in front of her stood up and looked to Jack then back to her. She
refused to look at him, and sarcastically nodded her head when Jack told her
to at least try to refrain herself from messing with it.
Sayid smiled down at her, and as he passed by Jack he told him, "She's a
quick one."
Jack smiled back, and then looked at her. He was worried about her, and he
could tell Sayid was too, probably more than he was.
Part Two
Sayid found himself staring into the fire that night. His thoughts should have been on the transiever and on a way to get a strong signal, but they were on the woman he had met earlier. Sighing, he shifted to get more comfortable, willing himself to think on the transiever, but it wouldn't do.
He woke up the next morning, heading to chop wood, but he decided to check on her before doing so.
Jack hid his smile when he saw Sayid come his way. He looked over to Joy, who was looking quite depressed, and called out to her.
"Joy, could you come here?"
She sent him a look, and tried to get up on her own, without causing herself more pain. Still walking slowly, she made her way over to him.
"Why don't you help Sayid with the firewood? It'll be good exsercise."
Joy raised her brow in disbelief, 'Who are you kidding?' She thought.
Sayid led the way and Joy followed, sending Jack yet another look of confusion.
Joy seated herself against a tree, watching him cut the limbs of trees in better sizes.
He stopped after a while, seated himself across from her and held out his hand, "I'm Sayid."
She nodded and held out her own hand, quite shocked when he kissed the top of it. She smiled a bit, and turned to the page in her notepad that had the usual answers on it. "Joy. 28. Ohio. Single. Reason for travel? Not telling," and showed it to him.
He smiled, "Aren't you a bit hot in that shirt?"
Joy looked down as if she had forgotten what she was wearing: jeans and a black long sleeved shirt, and shook her head, scribbling down on the pad that she was used to heat.
Sayid looked unsure but left the subject alone, he could tell that there was a deeper meaning to it. He motioned back to the growing pile of wood, "When I'm done, could you help me carry those back to the caves and beach?"
"Why else am I here? To watch you work?" Was scribbled down.
Sayid just smiled and stood, making his way back to work.
Making herself more comfortable, she half smiled, taking in the sight of Sayid working and feeling quite proud of herself that his back was to her, and that he couldn't see her stare so openly.
***
Sayid handed her a few logs, taking them from him, she tired to not purposefully touch his hands for longer than usual.
After distributing the logs, they sat down on the beach. Sayid handed her a bottle of water, taking a drink of his own.
"Do you know Sign Language?"
She shook her head, curious.
"Would you like to learn?"
At the thought of spending more time with Sayid, she readily agreed.
"Good. You need to learn another way to communicate. And maybe that will keep you from that bandage of yours."
Joy hung her head, taking her hands away from her throat and folding them together, smiling sheepishly.
Sayid smiled, "You should do that more often."
She looked up at him, and looked into his eyes, confused.
"Smile." He moved her long brown hair behind her ears, "You should do that more."
Joy reached her hand up with her hands, almost touching his own, when she suddenly shoved his hands away, pain flashing across her face.
Sayid stared at her, clearly taken aback. Figuring that he had crossed the line far too early, he apologized and stared out into the ocean.
Joy fixed her hair to cover her face again, pulling on the sleeves of her shirt to cover her hands, and folded her arms over her chest. A tear fell down her cheek but she didn't wipe it away.
Part Three
She was lying there.
Helpless.
The others were around her.
Taunting her.
Flashes of pain all over her body.
She tried to scream but no sound came out.
He came towards her.
Again.
Just like all the other times.
But she could tell that this was going to be the worst.
"Sayid, hold her down."
"I am." Sayid pushed her shoulders back to the beaches, but she still fought against him.
Jack called out her name, but Joy was still having her nightmare. He sent Sayid a questionable look, when Joy's eyes snapped open and she immediately began fighting off both Sayid and Jack. They tried to calm her down but to no advantage. She wasn't back to reality yet. Sayid grabbed her wrists and Jack held down her ankles. When she finally came to, she breathed in deep, shuddering. Sayid loosened his grip but held onto her wrists in a more compassionate manner.
"It's all right. You're safe now."
She shook her head, sobbing still. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tight, repeating that she was safe and that no one was going to hurt her.
Jack and the others watched and when Sayid looked at them; they all went back to their own business.
Returning his attentions to Joy, he placed his hand on her back, only to feel her wince in pain. He moved to see her face, but she just shook her head. Sayid continued to hold her close, his voice now barely a whisper.
"You're all right."
Joy woke up that morning, blinded from the sunlight sneaking in through the treetops. She was on the ground and looking down she saw Sayid's arm around her waist. She looked to find herself lying against him. Swallowing, she moved away as slowly as possible, to not disturb him. Casting another glance at Sayid's sleeping figure, Joy walked away from him. She tried to remember what had happened last night, she was sleeping and then.....
Flash.
His hand found the back of her neck.
In his other he held a knife.
Saying words she couldn't understand for her own screaming, he plunged the knife in.
Flash.
He was calling the hospital.
Saying that it was attempted suicide.
Flash.
He was at her side, saying how concerned he was for her.
But his eyes told another story.
They secretly told her that if she told anyone, she would find herself in a worse
place than the hospital bed she was in then.
Flash.
He was on her.
She didn't know what he was doing.
She didn't want to think about it.
Flash.
He was giving her pills.
Saying that if she had a child, he would kill her.
Flash.
His eyes.
Full of anger and loathing.
Promising her that no one could love her like he did.
That he was the only one.
The only one.
Struggling to compose herself, Joy stopped where she was, looking up to the sky in despair. A branch or limb broke behind her and Joy wiped her eyes quickly, turning around to find Jack there.
"You should take these when you have another attack like that. They'll calm you down." He held out his hand and gave her a few pills, which she put in her pocket. "But to fully clear your mind, you should let Sayid know." He was going to say more but stopped. Instead, he reached forward and felt her forehead. "Drinking enough water?"
She nodded.
"You need to get out of the sun if you insist on wearing such long clothes. Locke says it'll be extremely hot today. How's your throat and side?"
Joy shrugged, somehow motioning that her throat was still bothering her at times. It must have worked because Jack nodded, "Good. It's healing up then."
After a moment of silence, they parted ways.
She walked back to the beach; and looking up she saw Sayid in front of her, clearing waiting for her. He nodded to her, "I was worried. I woke up and-" He smiled a bit, but when he saw the look on his face, he sighed a bit. He had hoped that they had connected last night. She shook her head, and tried to get past him; he took her hand, "Please tell me."
Releasing her hand from his, she met his gaze and walked to the beach.
***
Sayid kept a careful watch over Joy the next two days. She had nightmares both nights and Sayid would comfort her only to be pushed away, both physically and emotionally. Tired of it, he found her alone, getting more water, and cornered her. Blocking her moves to get around him.
"Tell me."
Stepping aside, she fought against him as he held her back. She shoved against him but he shoved just as hard. Staring at her, "Please." But Joy spat at him. They fought each other before Joy fainted. Placing her on the ground, Sayid looked around frantically.
***
"Sayid," Jack came out of the caves, pulling Sayid away from the caves. He had been there all the time since Jack had taken her to the caves for treatment. "What happened?"
"We were just talking, and she fainted."
"Sayid, she's exhausted, you couldn't have just been talking."
"We had a fight and it might have gotten carried away."
"Might have?"
Sayid ignored him, "How is she?"
"She'll be all right, she needs rest."
Nodding, Sayid set off, to visit Joy, but Jack stopped him, "There's something you should know."
"There are too many things I need to know about her." With that, Sayid set off.
Joy gasped, scrambling to cover herself with anything to keep her from Sayid's gaze. Kate had given her a tank top and shorts. Sayid could now see all the dark and yellowing bruises, scars, and other wounds that were covering her arms and legs. Taking in her appearance, Sayid found himself speechless. Joy, thinking that he would react like Jack, Kate, and other men, she turned away, covering the few bruises she could with her hands. Sayid seated himself beside her, caressing her cheek softly. When she turned away, he pulled her face toward his, finding tears on her face. He wiped them away, kissing her forehead softly. Joy looked up to him, confused, but Sayid put a finger to her lips, shaking his head.
"Just rest."
He laid her down and when she had closed her eyes, looked her over. He had so many questions: What had happened? Who had done this? But to one, he knew the answer to. She had pushed him away out of fear of the same happening again.
Part Four
Sayid watched her sleep. Sighing, he placed a hand on her arm, his fingers moving down a long scar that ran down her arm to her wrist. He noticed more scars, vertical this time, there and frowned slightly. Her arm suddenly moved from his touch and he looked to see her staring at him, frightened. Sayid tried to speak but Joy?s gaze made him hesitate. She pulled herself up and sat facing him. Knowing he had crossed the line yet again, he apologized and offered to teach her Sign Language now. She nodded slightly.
He formed his hand; telling her that it was an ?A?. She followed his example and kept her eyes down while he moved on. They moved on and when they moved to ?K? and she fumbled, Sayid took her hand in his. Joy pulled away but Sayid kept hold of her hand. He tried to catch her eye but she kept her head down as he slowly moved her hand into the correct position.
?This is how you do it. Understand??
Joy pulled her hand away after he let go and made no move to do it correctly. After a few moments of silence, Sayid moved on the next letter but noticed that Joy wasn?t following his lead.
?Won?t you at least try??
She shook her head and pulled her knees to her chest. Sayid watched her a while before saying that maybe they had done too much that day. He stayed where he was though, wanting to capture her eyes if only for a moment. Joy looked up at him, confused as to why he was still there. Sayid smiled when he finally looked into her eyes.
?There.? He reached out and brushed her hair away from her face, his hand lingering there for a moment. He expected her to move or to flinch in pain and when she didn?t, he couldn?t help but be shocked. Joy stared into his eyes, reached out to touch his face but a look of pain went across her face. She flinched and moved aside. He pulled his hand away and asked her what it was. Shaking her head, she turned aside and stared ahead.
Don?t ever touch, me.
You need to learn this lesson.
You?re nothing.
I?m doing this for your own good.
Dirty.
I love you.
No one will ever love you like I do.
She looked up to him.
He was right.
He always was.
Sayid placed a hand on her shoulder, being shocked when she turned around with a deep look of pain on her face. Joy pushed his arm aside and to made get up but realized that she couldn?t go out looking like she did. Sighing, she leaned back and rested her head against the wall. Sayid brushed her cheek lightly, holding his breath for her turning on him. Joy merely closed her eyes, acting as though she was being caused pain. They stayed like that for a long time, Sayid caressing her face and Joy flinching in pain but still not pulling away. She leaned into his hand and opened her eyes to look into his own. Sayid looked into her eyes, concerned. Joy started to smile weakly but when she looked deeper into Sayid?s eyes, she pulled away. He stood, saying that she should rest and as he left, promised to teach her the rest of the letter either later that day or the next.
Sayid stayed outside of her cave, hoping against hope that she would come to him. He ran his hands through his curls, racking his brain for anything he could do to reach her. It was the next day, late in the afternoon when Sayid walked into the cave, peeking in to find her staring ahead. She had been crying, her right arm was bleeding, and she had ripped off the bandages across her throat. Sayid kneeled in front of her, pressing his hand to her arm, he lifted her chin with his hand. Joy stared through him, not moving when he asked what had happened. He released his hand from her arm, glad to see that the bleeding had stopped. He moved his hands to her throat, touching the already tender skin lightly. Joy bit her lip as he moved over her throat, and sighing, Sayid called out for Jack.
Sayid sat back and watched as Jack did the exact thing that Sayid had, and Joy not acting like she was in pain. She answered his questions with nods and shrugging, staring ahead, through Sayid. Jack bandaged her throat again, putting a strip across her arm as well. Sayid could barely believe it. She trusted Jack, and Sayid had a good idea why. He almost chuckled at the irony of it. Joy hated him and why? Because of his skin.
?All right, keep this one on this time, all right?? He said, placing a hand on her shoulder as left the cave.
Sayid moved to follow Jack, hardly restraining himself from cursing in Arabic when she tensed up.
Now he knew.
***
?I am not going to teach someone who is afraid of me due to my skin color!? Sayid said again for the umpteenth time.
Jack was back again, practically begging for Sayid to teach Joy the rest of the Sign Language so that he could understand it. She had taught him all that she knew, but that wasn?t enough.
?Sayid-?
?I won?t do it.?
Jack switched to plan B, ?She needs you, Sayid. Can?t you see that??
?Can?t you see that she flinches in pain when I?m near her? How does she ?need? me if she?s afraid of me??
?Just give her another chance, Sayid, you don?t know her story.?
Knowing that if he didn?t agree to it now, Jack would just come back the next day, Sayid sighed and nodded, ?Fine. But after that. I?m through with her.? He kept Jack?s gaze before walking away.
***
Sayid walked into the cave a few hours later, cursing in Arabic. ?Maybe if you close your eyes you can handle my company.? He said sharply, taking a seat on the opposite side of the cave. Joy narrowed her eyes in confusion, not understanding why he was here.
?I?ll leave as soon as you get the rest of. Then I can stop being such a bother to you.? He started where they had left off, and for the next hour they were silent. When she messed up Sayid would get frustrated and force her hands into the positions, which was a sharp contrast to the first lesson, all ease. Joy shoved his hand aside when he moved her hand into the last letter, trying to catch his eye. Sayid held up his hands in defeat, refusing to meet her gaze. He stood up, looking down on her. ?There. Now you have all you need to know. You won?t have to suffer near me any longer.?
***
Sayid had lost track of the days since he had had the last lesson with Joy. He would run into her a few times and he refused to look at her, just continuing on his way. Struggling with the cords of the transceiver, Sayid dropped it into the sand when someone sat beside him. Turning, he saw Joy sitting there, a blanket covering her arms. She was back to wearing her jeans and she gave him a weak smile.
Sayid turned back to his work, ?What??
Joy started Signing, but stopped when he wasn?t paying attention. She put a hand on his arm, only for him to pull away. Standing, he look down to her, ?How does it feel?? He walked away, Joy following him. He looked back after a while, and sighed, seeing her behind him. Joy cut him off, standing in front of him. He moved but she stepped in his way, determined.
?Now you want to look at me? I?m not your shade, remember??
Joy slapped him across the face before she realized she did it. Sayid looked astonished, but found nothing to say. Taking this moment, she started to Sign, ?Ready to listen now??
Joy took another look at Sayid, who was now across from her. She had led them to a place where she was certain they would not be interrupted.
?I do not hate you, Sayid.?
?Really? You?ve acted like that for quite some time now.?
?Stop it. You wanted to know what my story is and I?m telling you.? With another look to Sayid, she took a deep breath to calm her nerves. ?He was my boyfriend. The one that did this to me. He did more than just these bruises and scars.?
?And he was black?? Sayid?s voice had changed, from one of bitterness to concern.
?Yes. He was very dear to me. I, I thought that we were in love. He was very convincing. You wouldn?t understand unless you were in a relationship like that.? She tugged on the blanket, she was laying herself out in the open and was very uncomfortable. ?He told me that I was nothing without him. He, he did things that...everytimg I?m near someone who is....I just see him.? Joy looked up to him, ?I don?t mean to, Sayid. When I look at you, he just....appears. I don?t want that anymore. I just want to see you.? Tears were stinging her eyes, and she had to look away, ?So, now you know.? Standing, she walked past him to leave, but Sayid put his hand on hers. Tugging on it lightly, she sat down beside him, the blanket falling around her hips. Sayid pulled the blanket back around her shoulders, he didn?t know what to say. He pulled the blanket near her shoulders, leaning forward he delicately laid a kiss on a bruise that was starting to turn green.
?Sayid-?
He put his hand over hers, shaking his head. ?You don?t need to say anything. I?m just, I?m sorry I wasn?t there for you.? His hand holding hers, Sayid struggled to keep his voice even, ?I promise you that I will do everything in my power to erase all that he has done to you.?
Joy searched his eyes, and found him to be true. A sudden sob reached her throat and she fought it down, tears still falling down her face. Sniffing, she smiled as he placed his hands on her face, wiping the tears away. He brushed his lips across her cheek, ?No more tears, please?? She nodded, still sniffling and Sayid smiled, ?Good.? He pulled the blanket farther up her arms since it was slipping and looked to the sky. It was growing dark, he stood up, offering her his hand. They walked back to the caves, his arm draped around her waist. He would have to take it slow, he knew that, but he also knew that the sooner he got those memories out, the sooner they could create their own.
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