Column: Q

[Quey]

Column: Q
?Pilot? or "I hope you like bamboo . . ."

This is my first column, which I wrote a few weeks ago. It will differ from lenafan's, in that, it will mainly be a commentary on what I thought was interesting, funny, or ridiculous about the show. Feel free to laugh at, argue, agree with, or totally hate whatever I say.


I spent the majority of the day preparing for this. Maybe it?s a bit over-zealous, but I cleaned my entire house from top to bottom and washed every last piece of laundry so that I?d feel free to enjoy all two hours of the pilot. The last thing I wanted was for anyone in my family to come up to me in the middle of the show saying, ?Quey, you left such and such undone?. An hour before eight (I?m writing from reference of the encore showing of the entire two-hour pilot on Saturday, September 2nd.) I was ALL set ? popcorn, chocolate, drinks and . . . aww, poop on a stick! I forgot to buy a blank tape to record the show.

Ugh! The only place close enough and still open is Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart. To me, that store is worse than rush-hour gridlock on the capital beltway. I believe, in my heart-of-hearts, that someday soon ?Wal-Mart Rage? will outrank ?Road Rage? in minds of the public. It seems that everyone there has this terribly urgent last minute purchase to take care of or they?re just there to wile away the time. Both groups have their annoying points but tonight I was the former, a woman on a mission ? to find blank VHS tapes! I deftly dodged the crowds in the front end of the store with the carts and the ?as advertised? specials. I practically ran through the jewelry section, and headed straight for the electronics. For where else would I find blank VHS tapes, right? Uh, no such luck. I spent ten minutes searching the place for a blinkin? blank tape! So I finally ask a sales associate where they are. (What an idea!) She ever so kindly rolled her eyes at me as she pointed to an aisle not too far away, although it was decidedly not in the electronics department. I muttered my thanks, under-breath, as I rushed over and picked out a three pack. Possessively clutching my blank VHS tapes to my chest, I found the shortest checkout line, paid and got my tail home. Gosh, I hate Wal-Mart.

Okay! Now I?m set, and just in time.

As I crunched on my popcorn the LOST title appeared. (Yes, I did remember to pop the tape in ? and press record.) I was so ready for this; you might have even been able to say that I was giddy. ? I wasn?t quite ready for what I saw though. Hmm, they start out after the plane has already crashed, I thought to myself. Okay, I?m with you. I like the small details they add like the white tennis shoe that?s just hanging by its strings from a stalk of bamboo and the random dog that wanders by. (Wait, a dog in the jungle? Oh, he must have been on the plane. WAIT, how come the dog wasn?t crushed to death in its cage? Eh, never mind.)

I actually felt panicky as I witnessed the carnage and chaos of the plane wreckage. It was absolutely terrible to watch all of those people running around in horrified shock as much of what was left of the plane fell apart and blew up. What I?d really like to know is how the production team acquired all those plane parts for this. Most of it didn?t look computer generated, but then again, CG effects have come so far in recent days that I can barely tell anymore.

I love the diversity of this cast. Right off the bat though I think that Hurley, the big redheaded guy and the Asian lady are going to be my favorites. And already I can?t stand that blonde chick and the man whom I assume is the Asian lady?s husband. Perhaps I?d know more about their relation to one another if they?d use subtitles a little more. (Hint, hint, production staff.) The rest of the cast is stellar as well, not a one is flat or unbelievable. (Except maybe Terry O?Quinn?s character, whom I haven?t quite figured out yet.)

The dynamic between Jack and Kate is almost instantaneous, but I guess that kind of intimacy comes quickly when you have to stare at someone?s innards as you stitch them up.

?Hi, hot-total-stranger. Please come and stitch up this nasty open-wound of mine as a special bonding moment that will eventually lead to a hot make-out session in the bamboo.?

?Sure, hot-doctor, I?ll stitch up your wound as a special bonding moment that will eventually lead to a hot make-out session in the bamboo. [Beat] But could you please tell me a vulnerable story about your days as a surgeon? That would really help the process.?

?I?d be happy to. So one day I had this teenage girl on the table . . .?

But seriously, the clock is already ticking down to the point where these two are going to hook up. I think we should start a betting pool: How many episodes will it take for the ?Jack/Kate bamboo make-out session?? Any takers??

Speaking of Kate. Don?t we have a nicely mysterious character here? She is clearly the female lead of the show but for the first half of the pilot we know almost nothing about her. Jack is firmly cast as the courageous doctor but Kate is the brave . . . ummm. We don?t know until that nicely timed flashback sequence that has her handcuffed next to an antagonistic Air Marshall. Gasp! She?s a criminal? Not our sweet Kate! Then we remember the point I made earlier: We know absolutely nothing about her. For all we know, she?s a serial killer or international terrorist. Yeah, yeah. She could be innocent too, but let me come up with my own ideas until we find out. Tee-hee, curtsey laugh.

Honestly, though, I?m a little worried about this never-seen monster, which I like to call ?The Nasty?, that lurks around in the bush being ? well ? nasty. Visions of bad Jurassic Park take-offs spring to my mind unbidden. Every time I hear the telltale growl or rustling brush that signals this creature is near I keep chanting to myself, ?Trust J.J. ? Trust J.J. ? Trust J.J.?. But I?m still not completely confident that we won?t be getting some lame over-sized reptile with human flesh firmly wedged between its teeth.

J.J., if you?re by some chance reading this article PLEASE, oh PLEASE, oh PLEASE ?wow? us with this monster! We trust you but we?re in danger . . . of rolling our eyes. (Sorry. I can?t keep ALIA[s] quotes out of my mind when discussing anything having to do with J.J..)

But don?t be fooled by the polar bear, folks, it wasn?t The Nasty in my opinion. This was a classic bate-and-switch. You think that you?re about to find out what the thing is so soon? HA, take that! ? Don?t get too downhearted though, I think this might still be important to the plot. How? Um . . . I haven?t the foggiest idea, but it would be foolish to drop a random polar bear into the jungle for nothing.

Okay, even though his part was short lived (Hee hee, in more ways than one) I have to mention the pilot, played by Greg Grunberg. Greg, you rock my world! He?s such a great actor. When I saw him I got so excited that I started my Happy Dance around the bedroom. His character, albeit only appearing for roughly three minutes, was incredibly useful. We found out that they don?t have a snowball?s chance in Hell of being rescued (the rescue party would be looking for them a thousand miles away) and that The Nasty likes Greg Grunberg as much as I, though for slightly different reasons.

Bottom line: Despite my niggling apprehensions over The Nasty I think I?m going to be hooked on LOST. The cast is incredible, allowing us to sympathize, identify with, or hate each one. (With, of course, the exception of Terry O?Quinn?s character. Juries still out.) And even though I make fun of the Jack/Kate plot line I really am hoping that they?ll get together. But the best part? I have so many questions!!

- What will ?The Nasty? turn out to be?
- How the heck did a polar bear end up on a tropical island?
- Will it be the racist redneck or Kate who turns out to be the most dangerous person on the island?
- What?s up with the Asian couple? (Did the thought cross anyone else?s mind that he was trying to poison everyone with whatever was in those little plastic cups?)
- Why do the blonde chick and her ?brother? seem so antagonistic toward each other? It clearly goes beyond a sibling rivalry.

I hope you?ve enjoyed my commentary on the LOST pilot. I hear that it?s been doing really well in the ratings so tune in next week around this time and I?ll have lots more to talk about I?m sure.

Watch out for each other and The Nasty,
Quey

[Britt]

Quey girl! You rock my fox's socks! Good first article!

All the same questions came to my mind, except, i don't share the same hatred of Wal-Mart as you do. (hello, it's Wal-Mart, who can't love it?)

I thought that asian dude was trying to poison everybody too, so what did i miss? They never did anything with that little "food in a cup" plotline.

And, I don't think this was in ep 1, but I'm going to mention it anyways. Was anybody else EXTREMELY upset that Jack said that he didn't care what Kate had done? I WANT TO KNOW WHAT SHE DID!!!! It's bugging the pigeon poo out of me! I NEED TO KNOW!!!!

[Quey]

Why thank you! But care to take a stab at these questions o' mine? What do you think?

(Hehe, be on the look out for my other columns that I will post soon.)

[Alias_Rules]

Wow, awesome column Quey. That Wal-Mart is where Quey and I discovered text messaging. :lol:

[Quey]

Hehe, yes it is. But a more accurate description is that this is when you freaked me out by texting me when I didn't know you could. LoL!

[okelay]

nice column. very fun.
hmmm... many mnay questions
im already a shipper for Jack and Kate.

I wonder what will the asian lady do
i dont think she's gonna accept the husband's commands for much longer
and how are they going to do it when the baby is born?

Kate asked if anyone knew how to use a gun.
whatd does that mean?
she really doesnt know or was she faking it?
and what did she do. i think its somehting big.

[Sydney]

no it s nothing too big unfortunately lol...

but yeah that line has a tie in her past somewhat